


In perpetuum

by Welsper



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Age Difference, First Time, Loyalty, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Recovery, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-11 22:27:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20553677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/pseuds/Welsper
Summary: Noah would do it all again, all the pain, all the humiliation, daily, forever, until his body was ground into dust, all if it kept Larsa safe.





	In perpetuum

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [Welsper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/pseuds/Welsper) in the [iibb2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/iibb2019) collection. 

Vayne was gone and with that the threads tying together the Archadian Empire had grown ever more brittle. Larsa feared they would snap any moment. That battle over Rabanastre had cut down much of Archadian fleet in one day and Larsa talked his mouth dry in diplomatic meetings and calls, to keep it all from exploding. This world had seen too much war, too much suffering. And Larsa was not so idealist that he truly believed it would never happen again, but if he could keep his people safe for just one more day, he would try everything he could. There was a peace now, but he could not trust it.

“We’ll reach the Leilan in another hour, Excellency.” A voice cut through his thoughts and some days Larsa still feared it was all an illusion. That the man was no longer and that it was still Basch posing as his brother.

He had recovered, eventually, a miracle Larsa thanked the gods for daily – and Penelo. When he had died for Larsa, she had brought him back. His heart had stopped that day, Larsa had felt it under the ruins of his armor, and it had taken all of them and all their magic and potions and elixirs to undo the damage. Penelo had collapsed by the end of it, all her mana worn out and Larsa would love her forever for what she had done for a man who had killed someone so dear to her and condemned her homeland. What she had done for the face of an Empire that had taken away her childhood and nearly her future too. There had not been a doubt in her, for that was Penelo, if someone had need of her help, she would give it. There was a strength to her, a love despite life doing its very best to snuff it out of her, Larsa admired and wished he could one day have.

Basch had returned to his Queen, and it was another disaster waiting to happen, the lies they had spun as to who had truly killed King Raminas, but in the end his name was cleared. And none was the wiser, save this group of them. Perhaps one day they would all have to answer for their crimes, for the deception they upheld. That Vayne had not died with honor in battle, that he had turned into… that.

For all the lies he had to tell, the decisions he had to make, Larsa was truly glad it was Noah that was at his side. Noah, that was his name now, and had been long ago, before he started blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong in his life. For a path Archadia had forced him onto.

But still, Judge Magister Noah fon Ronsenburg was at Larsa’s side, defending him from hell and all that followed as he had sworn to do.

Suddenly, the entire airship shook. Larsa lost his footing and tripped, almost landing on the floor before Noah caught him. The man was a boulder in the storm, somehow holding himself upright until the shaking subsided.

“Judge Magister! Your Grace! Pirates hav-”, the voice through the system was broken up by static.

“Pirates?” Larsa frowned at that.

“They thrive here in the outer provinces. We have struggled to contain them after the fallout of Rabanastre,” Noah said and drew his swords. “And those won’t be your friends’ kind.”

But to so brazenly attack an Imperial ship like that, things must be worse than Larsa had thought. The Senate would have his head if they made it back, for refusing more ships and soldiers to accompany his travels. Larsa knew very well there were many even in the Empire that were none too happy about him showing up there, but if he went to visit the lands looking like on a war campaign, there was no trust to be built there, only fear.

“Stay behind me, your Grace.”

Larsa drew his own weapons and then they were set upon.

And they shouldn’t be struggling so much, Noah shouldn’t be struggling so much, not against a bunch of criminals. And then Larsa realised – it had been too soon, he had recalled Noah to his services too early, let him shoulder too much too soon, the man wasn’t well. Had like run himself ragged for the Empire, for _Larsa_. His own hands sometimes shook from the work, but it was easier to hold a quill with tremors than it was to swing two swords.

Larsa reached out and tried casting, Shell, Protect, anything to help Noah, but found himself silenced. Foolish, he should have been paying better attention. He parried one of the swords, but another one of the pirates caught him from behind and the felt the sharp side of the blade press against his throat.

“Ah, ah, your honor. Best be setting those swords down,” the man said, watching Noah, and Larsa felt blood trickle down his skin, staining the collar of his shirt. He swallowed and the steel clung a little closer. He closed his eyes at the sound of Noah’s sword clattering to the ground immediately.

“Your Judge ever make a man out of you, _your Grace_?”

Larsa felt terror rising in him when a hand grabbed his cheek. It was rough and made him recoil. There was a hunger in the man’s eyes when he made Larsa look up at him by forcing his chin up. He glared at the man.

“No? Really? The whole of Archadia knows he never strays from your side. Wonder what else there is to some boy playing at being Emperor. Would love to find out,” and Larsa felt his heart beat faster in terror when he heard that whisper in his ear. Perhaps if he closed his eyes and pretended they were _someone else’s_ hands, he would be able to bear it. But that person would never be so rough with him, would never hurt him.

“For all you take of us, Excellency, taxes and lives and lands, don’t you think it’s fair if you give us something in return? People are suffering and you ferry about in fancy airships waited hand and foot, never wanting for anything.”

Larsa breathed sharply through his nose when rough hands glide through his hair and then pulled his head back.

“For the love of all the gods, if there is any compassion left in you, do not touch him,” Noah shouted as he struggled against the men keeping him down. He doubled over with a grunt as he was kicked into the stomach and Larsa prayed his old scars would not open up again. His brother had nearly killed him that day and wounds inflicted by Nethicite rarely healed properly. Larsa could still feel the ache in his bones sometimes from absorbing Vayne’s magic. In some fashion, that was the last thing his brother had left him.

“Please, he won’t be able to take it,” and Noah was _begging, _and it so deeply hurt Larsa. To see his Judge Magister on his knees and begging these men for not his, but Larsa’s life.

“But you will?” The sneer in the man’s voice sent shivers down Larsa’s spine.

“Even them?” He pointed at the bangaa that were with them. They moved in, closer and Larsa saw _fear_ in Noah’s eyes before he could hide it again.

“Even them,” Noah said. His face was hard, a mask again even though he no longer wore his helmet.

“Let’s see how much an honorable Judge Magister can take, boys.” Laughter filled the room and Larsa’s stomach lurched when they began ripping off Noah’s armor and clothing.

“Look away, Excellency,” he said quietly.

“Do not make him watch,” he heard Noah say and he was still thinking about_ him_, even when those vile men had their hands on him and Larsa had an urge to chop them off.

“But how will he learn? We are only doing our duties as citizens of Archadia, making sure our beloved Emperor learns and grows from his experiences, all the better to lead us towards his glorious vision for the future. Watch closely, Excellency, for this is how men bleed and suffer and die for you, you, who has never known true hardship in your life.” The man’s breath was hot on Larsa’s face as he dragged him over to Noah by his hair and dropped him on the floor like he was nothing. And in this moment, Larsa truly felt like nothing. He was no Emperor now, no man of House Solidor, only a useless and weak burden.

“Stop it!”

But they would not. Noah came apart under their hands and claws. He could have fought them, maybe, if he didn’t have to watch out for Larsa. If Larsa was not holding him back. Then he would not have to suffer such things. Larsa tried to look away once, when Noah started coughing up blood, and oh gods, did that mean… It earned him a hard slap across the face.

The pain stung, but worse was the fear, that this time, Noah would truly die, all because Larsa _existed _and Noah was loyal to a fault.

“Leave him be,” he said, a command even though no one would listen. “Leave him be and do to me what you came here for,” Larsa said and he was shaking, but he could not let it go on any further.

“You’d lay down your dignity for a dog? It matters not,” the pirate said and Larsa felt like vomiting as he saw him lick his lips. His fists were clenched in the fabric covering his thighs, but he must not show fear, he must not. “I was getting tired of him anyway.”

A hand reached out for him and it ripped the Solidor sigil from his chest.

“Get… your hands off him,” Noah coughed. _Please stay down_, Larsa thought. This one time, turn away from him.

“Or what,_ your honor_? Gonna spit blood on us?”

Larsa’s eyes widened in shock when Noah rose up, willing himself to his feet as if he wasn’t broken. He shouldn’t even be moving with these injuries, but he stood, his body a bloodied mess. One of the bangaa scrambled to tear him down again, but in one swift movement, Noah crushed his throat.

“How are you even standing?! Get him!”

“I am Judge Magister Noah fon Ronsenburg,” Noah rasped and Larsa could see the fever coursing through him, the shaking of his limbs, the open wounds on his skin, but he man would not fall.

“For your crimes, I condemn you to death in the name of his Imperial Majesty,” and he had almost no voice to speak of anymore. And he cut them down, Larsa did not know how, where he took the strength.

He dropped to one knee in front of Larsa, held up by the sword in his shaking hand.

“My apologies, your Grace,” he whispered. “For letting them touch you.”

Noah’s hand shook as it reached out and it wiped away a single splatter of blood on Larsa’s cheek. The only blood that had touched his skin, and it wasn’t even his own. Noah had made sure of that. The man fell over then, onto his side, whatever strength had possessed him gone for good.

Noah drifted in and out of sleep as he healed. Compared to what Vayne had done with his Nethicite swords, this was barely anything. He could be back by Larsa’s side in no time.

And sometimes Larsa stood there, by his bedside. There were dark rings under his eyes and his skin was pale. How long was it since he had slept properly? He remembered that view. It had been much the same after the battle of Rabanastre. Larsa was Emperor now, but Noah stayed the same. A broken knight Larsa should cast away to replace with someone more useful to his vision.

“You could have let them have me,” Larsa said, one day.

“No,” Noah croaked. “Never.”

Noah would do it all again, all the pain, all the humiliation, daily, forever, until his body was ground into dust, all if it kept Larsa safe.

“Why not? How can I be a man of House Solidor if I can protect no one, ever, of my own strength? Must it always be you, suffering for me? _Dying_ for me?”

There were tears on Larsa’s face and in his delirium, Noah wished he could kiss them away. If he wanted to be relieved of his service, death would be the easy way. To act on his feelings, his desires, his shame, that was the worse option. Larsa would not cry for him if he knew how wrong he was, how disgusting. He’d throw him away, like he should, like Noah deserved.

“I am not weak, Judge Magister,” Larsa said.

No, he was not, never had been. Larsa Solidor was the strongest person Noah knew, to stand up to these machinations at his age, to do what he did… there was no one with more fortitude. And to defend this strength, that was Noah’s duty. His wish.

“I don’t think you weak, your Grace,” Noah reassured him. “You stood between your brother and mine and I, there is no greater strength than to stand up to your own blood. But such things...”

His eyes were wide and Larsa was shaking in front of him.

And Noah understood. Larsa was not just crying for him. Even with all the innocence he had lost too early, dead friends and family and retainers. Now that he had seen how cruel people could be even in these matters, something had shattered. They might not have touched his body like that, but his soul all the same and Noah so wished he could have protected that too.

“You should not have even seen something like that,” Noah said quietly.

And he hated himself for it, but he wished for a moment that it would be him, who could show it to Larsa, how it could be between two people. Vayne should have killed him that day. No, earlier still. He should have never met Larsa at all. Never tainted him with these thoughts.

“Forget what you saw, I implore you.”

“Forget? _Forget?! _How could I ever, after what they have done to you,” Larsa hissed and his fist was in Noah’s shirt for a moment before he caught himself. And why was he so angry? He could always get a new dog. There were plenty of strays on the streets. Larsa should get one with less troubling wishes.

“Find someone you love, and see how it should be, not this violence, this pain.”

Perhaps if he saw Larsa with someone, Noah too could forget these feelings. These horrible feelings he should not have for his charge, a boy not even half his age by far.

Larsa’s face softened.

“Then be well soon, Judge Magister,” he said.

Larsa wiped over his wet cheeks with the back of his sleeve. There he had been, proclaiming his own strength while crying like a child. He still must be one, in Noah’s eyes. Perhaps that was all he would ever be for him, no matter how many years passed, weak and small.

Noah had seen him grow up, even if he was not always his personal guardian. Had been around at court for as long as Larsa could remember, back when there had been more Magisters, back when he had only been a Judge. Him and Zargabaath, that was all left to Larsa now of them. A dying breed. He would have them appoint new ones soon, more men and women to die for the empire. When had a Judge Magister last retired in peace? Larsa could not remember any such thing from his history lessons.

Yet for all his fear for Noah, for all the guilt he felt for the things serving the Empire made him go through… there was no one Larsa would rather have by his side. No one he would entrust his life to like that. That silent, solemn guardian who went to such lengths for Larsa for reasons he did not fully understand, Larsa could not bear to see him replaced with anyone.

To find someone to love… but that man was laying in a hospital bed right now, where his duty to Larsa had brought him. Again. Some things could not be.

And if it could not be Noah, then Larsa would rather have none.

Larsa threw himself into his work again, barely sleeping as he hung over his desk, writing letters and speeches. Implored the senate to caution where appropriate and action where necessary. He would do it, build a peaceful Empire, he would protect his people like that. If his sword was not enough, if he was not strong enough, that was the only thing he could do. So that no one would suffer. So that Noah would not suffer, for him.

It was another few weeks before he found himself within the Judge Magisters’ wing of the palace. It was empty most of these days now, with Zargabaath and Noah away on missions, by themselves to keep the peace or to accompany him. Noah was there now, released from the hospital, but still ordered to bed rest.

He didn’t know for how long he stood there like a fool, trying to will himself to see Noah. Long enough that Zargabaath found him.

“Go to him,” Zargabaath told him and there was a rare smile on his face.

“You are the one person in this world he most wishes to see.”

“He shouldn’t,” Larsa whispered. Noah should hate him, Larsa would deserve it. For all his family had done, for all of Archadia had done. For burning his homeland and swallowing it whole. For tearing his family apart and making him ruin his family’s name. Larsa was not sure if that rift would ever heal - Noah still had trouble looking Basch in the eyes when they met. He wished they would find a way to mend what was left of their relationship. Larsa wondered if Vayne would forgive him, were he still here. For helping to end him. He missed him, despite everything Vayne had become in the end.

“If you feel responsible for the mistakes of your father and brother and even all the Soldiors before them, repay them by living a good life and being a good man and Emperor.”

Before Zargabaath turned to leave, he pushed open the heavy oak doors and gesticulated for Larsa to step inside.

“Honor his loyalty like that.”

There was a gentle push on his back and then Larsa stood within Noah’s apartments. The door fell shut with a quiet thud and Larsa could hear Zargabaath’s muffled footsteps vanishing in the distance.

The rooms looked about the same as Larsa imagined them to look like, plain and void of much that other people would fill their life with. There was a photo frame on a barren desk and Larsa picked it up. The edges were cracked, like it fell to the floor. Or was thrown. Noah was young on that photo, not much older than Larsa was now. Basch was there next to him and those must be their parents, tall and bright and golden. The Noah in the photo was smiling like the sun and Larsa wondered if he would ever smile like that again.

Larsa had nowhere to turn to save him on that bed, staring back at him with those deep brown eyes.

“Excellency” he said and inclined his head and Larsa shook his head as he made a move to get out of bed. He looked better now, color back in his skin and the bandages mostly removed. There were new scars, bruises still lingered on his skin and it turned Larsa’s stomach when he remembered how they got there.

“One day you shall not wake up,” Larsa said and there was a fear in his voice he could no longer will away. All of Archadia would listen to his orders, all save but his feelings for this man who was too loyal for his own good. Feelings he should not show were plain on his face and Noah just looked at him, looked at this pathetic child he had been burdened with. Foolishly, Larsa reached out for Noah’s hand and he was thankful when he let him take it. Noah was the one who should be comforted, yet here Larsa was, bothering his rest with his fears and worries.

“You will die, die for me and then what am I to do?” He squeezed Noah’s hand tighter and breathed deeply when he felt the large fingers tighten around his own, albeit hesitatingly.

“That is the fate of a Judge Magister,” Noah said and his voice was so quiet. As quiet as it had been on that dreadful day where he lay dying in that bed on the Strahl.

Noah had looked so strangely peaceful, laying there and Larsa wondered if he had condemned his own soul by bringing his man back to life when he had clearly chosen to die. It was better now, Noah was better. Larsa hoped he could find something else to live for but this task. Perhaps he could find a wife, or a husband, if that was something he cared for.

Live for someone he was not bound to by oath, a loyalty awarded to someone he owed nothing to.

A loyalty awarded to Larsa simply because of who he he been born as.

“Should you wish to be… relieved of this oath you swore to my father, I can,” Larsa began and Noah interrupted him almost angrily.

“Do not make me,” he said.

“Why would you go so far?” Larsa’s voice was barely a whisper. There was a long silence. And Larsa saw it again, that pained look on Noah’s face. The one he had when he looked at him sometimes. Larsa had never understood what it meant, never done more than have the faintest of hopes of what feelings look in that man’s eyes laid bare.

“Because I love you, Larsa,” Noah said and Larsa’s heart stopped. “Now and always.”

“In every life,” Noah continued and reached out. His hand was warm upon Larsa’s cheek and he could not help but lean into the touch. “In this one, and in the next and all the ones to come, until the day my soul is no more. I will find you, Larsa, wherever you may be. Whoever you may be. And if you will still have me, I will beside you. No matter who _I_ am then.”

And there was a smile upon Noah’s lips, not just the twitching of the corners of his mouth, not a sneer, and Larsa hadn’t known how much he longed to see that until now. That serene expression Larsa had only seen on his face once, when he was near death the world was freed from the Occuria. When he had atoned for the mistakes done in his life, done in the name of the Archadian Empire and his duty as Judge Magister. Like something had lifted from him.

“Now that you know me. Know of my true feelings for you, will you still let me stay by your side?”

There was a fear in Noah’s eyes and Larsa couldn’t bear it. He laid his own hand over the broad, warm one on his face and pressed his cheek to it.

“I would never reject you,” Larsa answered truly. “Not in this life, nor any other.”

Finally, Noah leaned forward and Larsa closed his eyes when he felt his lips upon his own. They were rough and chapped, but there was a gentleness to Noah’s touch that no one would have known existed within him. Locked behind helmet and armor and that temper, this kindness was only for Larsa. And he would cherish it forever.

When they drew back, there were tears on Noah’s face and Larsa wrapped his arms around the man and held him close. There was so little kindness in a Judge Magister’s life, so little love and so much pain and suffering. Larsa could not erase the hurts past, albeit much he wished to, but perhaps he could ease the memories.

“Thank you for all you do for me,” Larsa whispered into Noah’s ear and kissed his wet cheek. The man leaned into the touch. “Will you let me give you something in return?”

And he could not quite bring himself to say the words of what it was he wanted to give him but he looked at Noah and Larsa knew he understood. The man shook his head.

“I can not take something so precious,” Noah said and Larsa could hear the want in his voice, barely restrained, although he was trying so badly and he smiled at that.

“It is not something taken,” Larsa said and pulled his tunic over his head. The air was cold on his skin, but there was a warmth in him from the way his Judge looked at him. There was a hunger in his eyes, but it did not scare Larsa.

As he tried to steady his breath and only partially succeeded, he took Noah’s hand in his own, and put it over his chest. His heart was beating like drum fire and in the quiet of the night, he could hear Noah’s breath hitch slightly.

“I give it to you freely,” Larsa said. His voice was quiet but sure, for there was nothing in his life he had ever been more certain of. There was quite likely nothing in this world that would make up for the debt of a life given in service, but if his love was something Noah would have, then Larsa would gladly offer it, along with his body.

“I give you all of myself.”

“I cannot,” Noah said, but Larsa saw how he looked at him. “’it’s not right for a hound to have something like this.”

“You are not a dog, Noah. You are a man. A man I love,” Larsa said and took off the rest of his clothes, slowly, let them drop to where he left his tunic. It should embarrass him, to do it like this, but he found that he did not mind Noah’s eyes on him.

Noah reached out for him then and wrapped him into his arms and Larsa nearly collapsed against him. Scarred and bruised as it was, his skin was still soft to Larsa’s touch. His hands on Larsa were careful, so careful and gentle, but the way his muscles moved under his skin made him wonder what it would be like if Noah let go of that restraint. It would be fine, if it was him. Larsa would accept that, too.

“I thought about doing this,” Noah whispered into his ear and Larsa shuddered under him when he gently bit down on the sensitive shell. “For way longer than I should have. I still should not, gods forgive me,” he said and the sheer want in Noah’s eyes when he turned them on Larsa made his head spin.

“You needn’t any gods to forgive you,” Larsa assured him and pressed another kiss to his lips. “For I don’t blame you.”

Noah kissed his way down Larsa’s chest, drawing low moans and whimpers out of his throat.

“I thought about you too,” Larsa whispered and Noah _cursed_ at that.

Larsa sat up, leaning on his elbows to watch. Noah’s large hands were holding Larsa, trailing over the goose flesh that was his entire skin now, gently stroking and exploring, while his mouth…

“Noah,” he moaned as the man kissed his already hardening cock gently. He shuddered when he looked down and met Noah’s gaze as the man licked down his cock, watching his face intently. Larsa’s cheeks were burning, but he did not look away. He liked seeing the hunger in Noah’s eyes, wondered what it would make him do, what he would show him.

His toes curled as Noah swallowed him down. Larsa lifted a hand to his mouth to keep himself from crying out. One of the man’s own hands caught his wrist, gently but firmly and pulled it down again.

“Please, let me hear you,” Noah whispered and Larsa could not have refused him if he had wanted to. He was shaking and trashing under Noah, his composure gone, and he could not help himself. A moan escaped him when he felt wet fingers press against him. When he opened his eyes, he saw an uncapped potion bottle laying there on the bed and Larsa had to laugh.

“That is not an appropriate use,” he said between snickers.

“Old military trick,” Noah said.

“Is that what they teach you at the Akademy? Scandalous,” Larsa laughed breathlessly, trailing off into a whine when he felt Noah’s fingers curl inside him. The man looked up at him, a question in his eyes and Larsa nodded. If Noah wanted to stay at his side, keep fighting for him, where he could be killed any moment, then Larsa wanted to have this, be joined with him at least once.

Noah was above him and Larsa couldn’t find his breath anymore with the way the man’s fingers moved inside, his moans coming in stuttered gasps. His own hands roamed carefully over Noah’s skin, his chest and stomach and hips and cock and Larsa loved how he shuddered under him, pressed into the touch. Out of half-lidded eyes, he saw Noah watching him, so closely as he undid Larsa. The man moved between his legs, and Larsa had to swallow as he felt him press against his thigh and stomach, thick and hard and for a moment there was a fear in him but it faded with Noah’s gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Do you truly want this?” Noah whispered and Larsa gasped when he felt his cock against him, rubbing over his entrance. He wondered if he could take it. But he wanted to.

“Yes,” he breathed his permission that turned into a soft cry when Noah pushed inside of him. His arms around Noah’s neck tightened and slightly relaxed when he felt hot, wet kisses pressed against his cheek and neck. It was hard to tell what this feeling was. Larsa felt a dull burning and gasped out when he felt Noah’s cock brush over his prostate.

“Is it alright?” Noah asked him, still for the moment. There was a worry in his eyes and Larsa kissed it away, wrapped his legs around the man’s waist and that was answer enough. They both moaned when that made Noah’s cock slip deeper inside.

“You are… quite a lot to take,” Larsa pressed out and Noah laughed breathlessly at that and he saw something dark in his eyes for a moment. Maybe he liked to hear that.

Noah started moving, so slow that it was almost torturous. He felt so large inside Larsa, as if he was filling the whole of him. That was fine, he could have it all.

Every thrust sent a shock through his body that made his toes curl and his body tighten around the thick cock inside him. Noah was so much larger than him still, would be for some years most like, and he found he didn’t mind the difference. The man could have snapped him in half if he so wished, but Larsa knew there was nothing to fear from him. Noah would never hurt him like those men had hurt him.

His cries grew louder as Noah’s thrusts became more forceful, spurned on by Larsa meeting his movements.

“Noah”, he moaned, “Noah, please, Noah...”

That was all his mind managed now, this man above him, inside him, everywhere around him and in his heart. The hard plane of Noah’s abs rubbed over his own hard erection and when the man reached out and wrapped a hand around it, Larsa came with his name on his lips. His legs wrapped tighter around Noah’s waist as he made a move to draw back.

“No,” he breathed and kept Noah close. “I want you to… inside me,” he whispered and he got a rise out of the noise the man made at that. Quiet gasps and pleased moans escaped him as Noah kept thrusting into him, chasing his pleasure. His movements grew erratic soon, shoving Larsa up the bed with every forceful thrust. He wrapped his arms tighter around Noah’s neck, holding onto to him with what strength he had left. Larsa’s eyes widened when Noah came inside him and his entire body grew taut and still. It made him feel warm, pleased to know that if nothing else, there was such a simple pleasure he could offer the man.

He heard his own name whispered into his ear, with such desire and love it almost drove him to tears.

Their breathing had calmed after a while, and now they were wrapped in each other’s arms. Noah thought he ought to apologize, for what he had done, for what he still wanted to do, but when made a move to speak, Larsa put a finger to his lips. There was a knowing smile on his face and Larsa shook his head. He knew him too well. Knew him better than Noah ever thought anyone would, or cared to.

So he only reached out, wiped away a damp strand of hair sticking to Larsa’s beautiful white skin. Skin Noah had covered with kisses and hickeys and… he shuddered at what he had done. He had done all he could to shield his charge from something like this, and yet he… he was the one to defile him like that. He ought to drop to his knees and beg Larsa for forgiveness.

“Noah.” It sounded scolding.

“Do not look like that. I wanted this, pray believe me.”

Noah knew he did, but to simply take his offer, his trust… shouldn’t he have known better? Regret this more than he did? With Larsa in his arms like that, his warm body against his, Noah’s marks on his skin, all he wanted was to do it again. Never let Larsa out of his bed again, never stray from his side until his arms could hold him no longer.

“Are you… certainly alright with me?”

“I quite thought what we just did was answer enough to that,” Larsa said and Noah had to laugh at that. “But if you have need of hearing it again, then yes.”

Larsa leaned forward to take Noah’s mouth in a deep kiss.

“More than alright.”

“You could have anyone you wanted,” Noah said with a frown. “Any princess, or prince...” Someone your age, he didn’t say, but they both knew.

“Alas, I want you alone. I love you, Noah. Know this and be at ease. Know that you have done nothing to harm me and that nothing you did for your love for me could ever do so.”

To hear that filled Noah with a deep warmth and calm. To know that he had Larsa’s love, even after all he had done, after all he _was… _Noah had never been happier than here with him in his arms.

“It was… I certainly enjoyed it,” Larsa said with a blush on his cheeks.

“But you made a right mess, Judge Magister,” Larsa continued with a slight frown, that quickly turned into a smile. Noah had to laugh at that.

“My apologies, Excellency. I was only following orders.”

Noah sat up then and scooped up Larsa into his arms. Larsa grumbled a little, but quickly wrapped his arms around Noah’s neck. He ran a bath for them, cleaning them both of the worst mess while it filled.

Larsa followed him with not a hint of hesitation after he let himself sink into the hot water. Noah sighed contently when he felt the warm, slight body press against his. They sat there for a while, soaking in silence while Noah played with strands of Larsa’s hair and kissed his neck and shoulders lazily.

Larsa turned around in Noah’s arms and straddled his lap while reaching for a bottle. Some of the water in the bathtub swapped over to the side, pooling on the floor, making the worn tiles shimmer. The boy hummed silently as he massaged Noah’s scalp, and rinsed off the soap afterwards. The grime and dirt was washed off, and Larsa’s love got rid of old painful memories.

Larsa kissed his forehead when he was done and settled back into Noah’s arms.

“I won’t let you go,” Larsa said. “You are mine now,” and that was alright, Noah felt as if he had never been anything else.

“Gladly.” And he wondered if he should ask him in return, if that was pushing his luck.

“Will you be mine too, then?”

“Of course,” Larsa answered without skipping a beat.

“For all the names you went through… how does Noah Solidor sound to you?” Larsa added quietly and Noah stared down at him with wide eyes.

“Oh, the Senate will hate this,” was the only thing he could say.

“The Senate hates a great many things, not limited to but including good weather, the smell of flowers and chocobo chicks,” Larsa scoffed. “But I wouldn’t hate it.”

Larsa looked up at him expectantly and Noah wondered if he even knew what he was offering him, the troubles that would bring – but of course he did. Larsa did nothing without careful deliberation.

“Then it would be my honor,” Noah said with a smile and Larsa beamed at him and kissed him and for all the pain and sorrow his life had given him, it had all been worth it just for this.


End file.
